


Kiss Me Through the Phone

by babenaesheim



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Even is really sweet, Humor, Kinda fluff, Language, Like its gross, M/M, Nudes, as of yet, bipolar, considering the plot i dont have smut, dont hurt my feelings, idk - Freeform, ill add more as i go on - Freeform, isak embarrasses himself, isak likes to curse a lot, like a lot, lots of fliring, texting fic, they talk about dick a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 15:38:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11672058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babenaesheim/pseuds/babenaesheim
Summary: He's been having a rough day, okay? His teacher yelled at him for 20 minutes straight in front of the entire class, his friends cancelled yet again, he got another detention, and he's so fucking horny. He hasn't gotten laid in a good few weeks and that's considered a dry spell for Isak.So yeah, it may be pathetic of him, but when he pulled up the guy he hooked up withs number from a month ago, he has no shame sending him a little text after ghosting him.Attached was quite a raunchy photo, you could say.-----Wrong number AU where Isak is bored and hits up an old hook up. Turns out it's not who he was thinking.





	Kiss Me Through the Phone

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi hi  
> this is my first fic on here pls be nice, im sensitive
> 
> i love texting fics and i came up with this idea where isak accidentally sends his nudes to someone else ;) and got carried away with it jjdljadjalfd (turns out im a dumb bitch and it actually was definitely a prompt from here: https://twitter.com/evaesheim/status/885170485373407232 on twitter. check out the whole thread, it has amazing ideas)
> 
> idk how long itll be or how often ill update it bc im slow with writing. also itll probably be very messy bc ive never wrote on this platform and im not good at using it rip  
> ill probably have to edit it a million times to get it right ya feel  
> also, thank you camila and the others i sent this too that encouraged me to post it (maria and shu) yall rock
> 
> (ps, ik the photos werent loading before bc this system is so weird to me so i had to link the pics i was using, from pintrest. so itll bring you to pintrest bc thats all i could do... im sorry for how messy i am im just really not good with technology. im never using pictures again jfc)
> 
> you can leave comments and kuddos (if you like it) thanks !!!

He's been having a rough day, okay? His teacher yelled at him for 20 minutes straight in front of the entire class, his friends cancelled yet again, he got another detention, and he's so fucking horny. He hasn't gotten laid in a good few weeks and that's considered a dry spell for Isak. 

So yeah, it may be pathetic of him, but when he pulled up the guy he hooked up withs number from a month ago, he has no shame sending him a little text after ghosting him.

Attached was quite a raunchy photo, you could say.

_hey, know it's been a while. busy?_

He taps his fingers, patiently, along the phone in his tight grip, waiting for the bubble to pop up. He had that picture saved in his Snapchat memories for times like these because first of all, having a photo saved to your actual photo album is _super_ risky, and second, he really wasn't in the mood to get all prettied up to take the picture. He just wants to fuck and get on with his night.

The bubble started to pop up in less than a minute and what came next was quite offending to Isak, to say the least.

**_Thomas_ **

_oh wow :D hey there lil guy_

**_to Thomas_ **

_‘lil guy’? fuck you mean ‘lil’???_

**_Thomas_ **

_haha, sorry bro_

**_to Thomas_ **

_little ;) ?_

_*photo attached*_

Okay, yeah, maybe he has a couple saved, so what? He needs to be prepared.

**_Thomas_ **

_:/ I've seen better, my dude_

**_to Thomas_ **

_I just don't think that's true?_

**_Thomas_ **

_what?_

**_to Thomas_ **

_that you've seen better. I think my dicks pretty nice_

**_Thomas_ **

_yeah yours is alright, but I've seen mine_

_*photo attached*_

Isak’s jaw drops because _that_ is a pretty nice dick. Now he wishes he _actually_ hooked up with this guy, rather than let the guy blow him in a bathroom. He could've gotten _that_.

**_to Thomas_ **

_woah. I now wish we had actually gone back to your place_

**_Thomas_ **

_what? have we met?_

Isak knew the guy didn't have his number saved (most likely) so why the hell would he know who Isak was? He almost face palmed himself with the realization.

**_to Thomas_ **

_oh yeah, shit, sorry. I'm Isak, we met at Rondos a month ago. you kind of blew me in the bathroom and gave me your number. Thomas right? sorry it's been a while_

**_Thomas_ **

_well, Isak, I think you may have the wrong number. My names Even and I have this policy with myself where I specifically do not blow people in the bathroom. especially at night clubs. do you know how unhygienic and dangerous that is?_

Isak felt like crying because now, not only has his day been shit, but he tries to hook up with someone and fails miserably by sending his dick pics to some random guy (who also just so happens to have a _very_ nice looking dick).

**_to Even?_ **

_oh my god_

_fuck_

_I'm so sorry_

_I thought you were this guy I hooked up with a while ago fml_

**_Even?_ **

_haha no problem, man_

_I once did this_

_except it wasn't a random person_

_it was my mom_

_uhm_

**_to Even?_ **

_YOUR MOM WHAT THE FUCK HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT_

**_Even?_ **

_LISTEN_

_fuck ok_

_I was talking to this girl at the time and idk I guess we were ‘sexting’ and my mom was also talking to me at the moment about a new prescription for my meds or something and I accidently sent her it idk_

_I'm a whole mess listen_

**_to Even_ **

_THATS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER FUCKING HEARD DEAR GOD_

**_Even_ **

_STOP MAKING FUN OF ME I WAS TRAUMATIZED OKAY_

_DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE SAID BACK?_

**_to Even_ **

_do I wanna know?_

**_Even_ **

_“oh honey… I know you're happy about your new prescription but I didn't want to know_ how _happy you are”_

_I just about deleted my entire existence after that_

_I still can't look her in the eyes and it's been like 5 months_

_lesson of the day: don't text your mom when you're having phone sex_

**_to Even_ **

_now I'm glad i didn't send those to my mom. thank you for the reassurance, random guy named Even that I accidentally texted when I was horny_

**_Even_ **

_the pleasure is all mine_

**_to Even_ **

_:D_

Isak would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy this conversation. Probably enjoying it a bit _too_ much, but this Even guy is so friendly and genuine and yeah, he made him feel bad about his dick for a moment in time, but he shortly got over it because this guy was just so _charming._

**_Even_ **

_so Isak_

_I know what the intimate part of your body looks like_

_but what about that face of yours?_

_I mean, that's assuming you do have a face and if you don't I'm so sorry for offending you_

**_to Even_ **

_fuck off_

:)

 [*photo attached*](http://pin.it/YqUsxuB)

**_Even_ **

_holy shit_

_you're so fucking cute_

_is that really you?_

_I'm not on punkd, am I?_

_you're not trying to catfish me?_

**_to Even_ **

_sshsjjs yes that's me_

_I'm not that cute_

_nothing to cry over_

**_Even_ **

_um_

_I disagree_

_you're hot as hell_

_cutest boy I've ever seen, hands down_

_and you have a pretty nice dick_

**_to Even_ **

_do I not remember you saying “I've seen better”_

 

**_Even_ **

_yeah but, I need to talk my dick up somehow, right? otherwise, you would've thought it was kind of bland_

**_to Even_ **

_I don't think so_

_you're dick is pretty nice, my friend_

_10/10 dick_

_no matter if you talk it up or not_

**_Even_ **

_I'm so flattered :’)_

**_to Even_ **

_well, you've seen my face now it's time I see yours_

_I imagine you're pretty hot considering you have a very nice looking dick_

_unless, you have to talk it up and have a charming personality bc you're so hideous_

**_Even_ **

_I'm appalled by this blasphemy_

**_to Even_ **

_oops :P_

_send it bitch_

**_Even_ **

_someone's ansy ;)_

**_to Even_ **

_yeah, I need a picture of something to match that beautiful dick of yours so I can jack off to something_

_ya know_

**_Even_ **

_you wanna jack off to my face? :p_

_I'm so flattered_

_honestly_

_truly_

**_to Even_ **

_I've been rapidly losing my boner as this conversation has dragged out so can we pls hurry up_

**_Even_ **

_okay, okay_

[*photo attached*](http://pin.it/YqUsxuB)

Isak stares at his phone in disbelief because there is _no fucking way_ that's the guy he's been talking to. He's a fucking model. Did Isak stumble upon and up and coming model? Did he really text _this_ man? He made sunsets look like a 4 year olds art project.

**_Even_ **

_I take the silence as either 1) you really think I'm disgusting or 2) you're cleaning yourself up ;)))_

**_to Even_ **

_I'm_

_who_

_how_

_fuck_

_you're_

_sofuckinghot_

_what the fuck man_

_how the hell_

_who graced you_

_who blessed you_

_I was actually doing facial recognition to see if you were actually using a picture of a model or smth_

_where did you come from_

**_Even_ **

_where did you go? where did you come from cotton-eyed Joe do do do dooo dodo dooo_

**_to Even_ **

_I'm_

_done talking to you_

_you ruined the moment_

**_Even_ **

_D:_

_don't leave me_

_I promise I won't ruin moments by singing lame, American songs_

_actually, I can't promise that_

_but don't leave me :’(_

_im also very appreciative and kind of hurt that you don't believe that's me_

**_to Even_ **

_calm down_

_I have nothing better to do than talk to you so_

_and sorry, I rarely come across men as beautiful as that so_

**_Even_ **

_just think_

_you could've been banging this Thomas guy rn if you hadn't been so gullible to believe he'd give you his actual number_

_but instead you have me :)_

**_to Even_ **

_I'll have you know, he wanted me reallll bad_

_he was the one who blew me_

_I didn't give him anything in return okay_

**_Even_ **

_mhm_

_sure_

_I believe you_

**_to Even_ **

_I'm irresistible_

_once you get a piece of Isak, you need more_

**_Even_ **

_oh yeah?_

_how can I find out myself?_

**_to Even_ **

_come over my place and maybe I can show you ;)_

Isak wasn't really in the mood anymore. Yeah, he was horny and yeah, he really needed some dick, _soon_ , but he was tired and was really enjoying this banter he had going on with Even.

**_Even_ **

_for real?_

**_to Even_ **

_why not_

_got nothing better to do_

_unless you have plans_

**_Even_ **

_how do you know I even live near you?_

_I could be living across the world with a Norwegian number and you wouldn't know_

**_to Even_ **

_that's_

_true_

_I_

_don't know why I didn't think of that_

_I'm so stupid ignore me_

**_Even_ **

_aw baby no_

_ajbdjs_

_ur not stupid, you're cute_

_it's okay_

_where do you live? I live in Oslo_

**_to Even_ **

_…_

_so do I_

**_Even_ **

_woah_

_what a coinkidink_

**_to Even_ **

_did you just-_

**_Even_ **

_yeah, I did_

_ignore it_

_but_

_Isak, my friend_

_my buddy_

_my pal_

_my bro_

_my dude_

_my man who wants to get off with me_

_I hate to say it but_

_I'm out of town_

**_to Even_ **

_wow_

_mood killer !!_

_jk_

_I'm soft and comfy rn in my bed_

_I don't really feel like doing the whole hooking up thing anyways_

**_Even_ **

_mhm_

_that's what they all say_

_admit it_

_you're sad you're not getting this tonight_

**_to Even_ **

_well, when you put it like that_

_I'm fucking glad I'm not getting “this”_

**_Even_ **

_that was quite cocky, wasn't it?_

**_to Even_ **

_yeah kind of_

_it's okay tho_

_I'll let it pass_

_bc ur pretty_

**_Even_ **

_I'm so flattered_

**_to Even_ **

_you really love saying that don't you_

**_Even_ **

_saying what?_

**_to Even_ **

_“I'm so flattered”_

_don't you have a better way of answering?_

**_Even_ **

_wow_

_okay_

_sorry_

_didn't mean to hit a nerve_

_sheesh_

**_to Even_ **

_SHEESH_

_who even says that anymore_

**_Even_ **

_what?_

_ur too cool for sheesh?_

**_to Even_ **

_sheesh isn't even a thing_

**_Even_ **

_sheesh is love…_

_sheesh is life…._

_*looks off into distance*_

**_to Even_ **

_did you just try to shrek me?_

**_Even_ **

_almost like how I wanna wreck you ;))_

_HAHAHAH THAT WAS A GOOD ONE WASNT IT_

**_to Even_ **

_that was highly inappropriate_

_I won't tolerate this disrespect in my household_

**_Even_ **

_sheesh_

_says the one who initiated the conversation with hiS DICK_

**_to Even_ **

_IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE_

**_Even_ **

_yeah_

_that's what they all say_

_and then they leave_

**_to Even_ **

_what?_

**_Even_ **

_nothing_

_anygays_

_how old are you?_

_I feel like we should get to know each other better_

_considering I feel a friendship arising_

**_to Even_ **

_I just turned 18_

_you?_

**_Even_ **

_ah_

_a young one_

_I'm 20_

_are you in high school?_

**_to Even_ **

_yeah_

_I go to Nissen_

**_Even_ **

_omg_

_I went to bakka_

_my friends sister goes to Nissen I think_

**_to Even_ **

_really? what's her name?_

**_Even_ **

_Sana_

_she's very… kind. I like her a lot even though she can be scary at times ya know_

**_to Even_ **

_no_

_fucking_

_way_

_she's my bio partner_

_and a really good friend_

**_Even_ **

_small world, eh?_

**_to Even_ **

_hell yeah it is_

_I didn't even know she had a brother apdjdjn_

_is he as hot as you_

**_Even_ **

_;)_

_idk why don't you ask sana?_

**_to Even_ **

_why would she tell me if her brother was hot or not_

**_Even_ **

_I meant to show you a picture jeez_

**_to Even_ **

_oh_

_yeah_

_I'll get on that_

_but anyways_

_what about you?_

_are you in uni?_

**_Even_ **

_yeah_

_I'm a film major_

**_to Even_ **

_so ur super artsy huh_

_are you like a weird hipster_

_is that what I'm getting myself into_

**_Even_ **

_I can b weird 4 u bby ;)_

_jk_

_but idk I wouldn't say I'm weird but others could_

_I'm weird I'm a weirdo I don't fit in do you ever see me without this stupid hat on?_

**_to Even_ **

_jfc_

_are you just full of memes? is that who you really are? are you the one that runs those meme accounts on Twitter?_

**_Even_ **

_my secret is out_

_I am not batman_

_I am not iron man_

_I am not a secret billionaire_

_no_

_I am the controller of ALL the accounts that steal ur tweets_

_commonwhitegirl? me_

_dory? me_

_memeprovider? me_

_my secret is out and only YOU know_

_Isak, last name I do not know, you hold the secret to the world. I hope that you'll keep it with you._

_pls don't expose me_

**_to Even_ **

_jfc stfu_

_my phone just blew up_

_but I won't_

_I won't expose you_

_your secret is safe with me_

_I'll be on my death bed denying “Even, with the last name I don't know, is NOT the runner of all those accounts.”_

_my dying breath will be dedicated to you_

**_Even_ **

_thank you so much Isak_

_I knew I could trust you_

**_to Even_ **

_anytime <3 _

By this point, Isak’s eyes were slowly drooping, trying his hardest to stay open. He _really_ enjoyed talking to Even. It was like a weight being lifted off his shoulders.

He rolled onto his side, and kept his phone at a close proximity to his face. Making sure to not blind himself completely, he turned the brightness down and smiled at the little bubble that was showing up.

**_Even_ **

_well, isak, it was nice talking to you but sadly, i need to go to sleep_

_goodnight, new found friend who has a really nice dick <3 _

**_to Even_ **

_im flattered that you keep complementing my dick_

_makes me feel better_

_goodnight, Even <3 _

Isak leaned over and plugged in his phone, falling back onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling, smiling to himself. As he shut his eyes, a thought crossed his mind. He grabbed his phone again and opened his and Even’s conversation.

**_to Even_ **

_Valtersen_

_my last names valtersen, btw_

He locked his phone, putting it on his bedside table, falling asleep quickly after with a smile on his face.

 


End file.
